Trispero Read online

  “Name?”

  “Jason Roy.”

  “Can I see your identification, sir?”

  After delivering his ID, she directed him to room 11. Before he could get around the desk, a nurse dressed in blue scrubs met him.

  “Mr. Roy, your wife is in active labor, and the doctor is with her right now.”

  She led him down the hall. Just as in the main hospital, the walls were all painted with cheerful colors that Jason felt were best reserved for Easter. The rooms were all insulated to sound so that only the nurses could hear what was happening in them. The nurse cautiously opened the door to room 11 to check with the doctor. She turned, smiled, and let Jason in. The inside of the room was far different from the rest of labor and delivery. The walls were all faux wood paneling, with hidden doors and drawers so that the laboring room could become the birthing room without having to move the mother. Rachel was lying quietly and talking with the doctor in between contractions.

  Shortly after Jason entered the room, the doctor acknowledged him. Dr. Perlman had been with Rachel the whole time. Jason was relieved to see him.

  “Hello, Jason. She’s close. I think another few contractions and it will be time to start pushing.”

  Jason looked down at his beautiful wife. Black hair draped over her dark brown eyes. Her bangs were sweaty and stuck to the sides of her face. She looked at him with a beautiful smile that made Jason’s heart take a leap. She’s the one having the baby, but I am the one getting cheered up. He leaned over and wiped her sweaty bangs to give her a kiss on her forehead.

  “Okay, beautiful, I’m here now,” he whispered in her ear.

  The monitor clicked a new noise as the next contraction began. Both the doctor and the nurse watched the monitor that was attached to her belly. Rachel continued to breathe and work through the pain with barely a whimper. She squeezed his hand. Jason looked down at her, realizing just how amazing she was. He knew he would probably be screaming his head off at this point. It seemed that things should be easier with today’s technology.

  The truth was, things were easier for some. Jason was a researcher working on his post doctorate. He loved the lab he was working in, but until he finished and got a real job, money was tight. Rachel was an unemployed teacher. She was looking for a job when they learned she was pregnant, and since they were only planning on being in Seattle for a few more years for him to finish they both decided to tighten their belts until he was finished.

  People in the twenty-first century with money had their babies with no pain and when they wanted them. The problem was that it had become very expensive, even with insurance, so most people chose to have children the old-fashioned way. Since Jason’s insurance coverage was very basic, she would have to go home tomorrow at the latest with their baby. Although all of her prenatal visits were covered, no extra tests were covered unless there was a problem. So here they were, two broke adults having their first baby and trying to move forward with their lives.

  “I need to check you again,” Dr. Perlman said to Rachel. “If things look good I’ll have you start pushing, okay?”

  “I’m ready.”

  The bed she was lying on magically transformed into a delivery bed. The foot folded out of the way and stirrups for legs rolled forward from the sides. The nurse pulled up a chair for Dr. Perlman, and Jason averted his eyes. It took only a minute and the doctor seemed pleased.

  “All right, you are eight centimeters dilated. With this next contraction I want you to start pushing.”

  Rachel looked up sweating profusely, clearly exhausted.

  “Okay, I’m ready.”

  Almost before she could finish uttering her response, the next contraction hit. This one was clearly stronger. Like the trouper she was, she pushed with all her might. The blood flowed into her face, making her skin look almost crimson. It was over quickly, and she sighed in relief. Her break was short-lived, however, for before Jason could hear the monitor, she squeezed his hand and he knew she was going again.

  “The baby is coming. Keep pushing,” Dr. Perlman instructed.

  The contraction was over before the baby was free, and Rachel lay back, almost wheezing from with the effort.

  Dr. Perlman tried to motivate her for one last push. “I think this is it. Give me all you have with this one.”

  Jason could feel Rachel’s grip tighten on his hand. It seemed strange that this woman, who Jason had fallen in love with because of her beautiful legs and skimpy shorts, had never been more beautiful than she was at this exact moment.

  “Push!”

  Jason dared to look, but he couldn’t see a thing because Dr. Perlman was blocking his view. Jason felt his hand get even tighter, so he turned to look at Rachel’s face. I hope this is over soon. As the thought went through his mind, he turned just in time to see Dr. Perlman catch the baby.

  The baby was covered with slimy-looking stuff. The nurse clamped the cord and asked Jason, “Do you want to cut the cord?”

  “No, I’m fine,” Jason said, stepping back. “Is it a boy or a girl?”

  The nurse held up the baby as she continued to wipe her down. A few gentle pats and the baby began to cry. “It’s a girl.”

  Jason looked back down at Rachel. “It’s a girl, honey, and she’s beautiful.” He stroked her arm.

  Rachel appeared exhausted to him, but she was still smiling. Her eyes were so bright, so clear, he could almost see his own reflection. He gave her hand a big squeeze and returned her smile. Her hand fell slack in his hand.

  Beep! Beep!

  Jason felt the panic rise in his throat. Rachel’s hand lay limply in the bed and her head rolled to one side so that he could no longer see her face. Before the panic gripped him totally, Jason localized the loud sound that startled him. The monitor above Rachel’s bed showed a column of numbers on the right and the tracing of her heart in the middle. At the bottom of the monitor was a red light that was flashing in sync with the beep. The sound of the alarm was almost hypnotizing, Jason stared blankly at the screen when he was jostled by a nurse who ran into the room and began pushing buttons effectively knocking Jason out of the way.

  The trance was broken and Jason was brought back to the labor and delivery room like a kick in the stomach. Jason could feel the blood drain from him as his hands began to tingle and the room started to disappear behind a dark shade. Just before Jason slipped to the tile floor, the nurse who had accidentally bumped him started to catch him.

  “Sir! Mr. Roy.”

  The room came back into focus as the nurse released Jason from her grip into a lounge chair behind them. Fully alert now, Jason sat up and tried to catch a glimpse of Rachel. There was now an extra nurse and her physician over her bed. He could no longer see Rachel behind the wall of people so he stood up and moved toward the bed. Rachel was lying limply in the bed where the doctor was now holding a plastic mask over her face, his fingers pulled tightly under her chin.

  “Rachel!” Jason turned to the doctor. “What’s going on?”

  7

  SEATTLE—2004

  “Code blue labor and delivery! Code blue labor and delivery!” someone shouted over the intercom.

  Before Jason knew what was happening, there were six people between him and Rachel. The room began to feel like the subway at rush hour and Rachel was on a train that Jason just couldn’t get to. Jason could no longer even see Rachel so he turned his attention to the beautiful baby girl who was now being cleaned by the nurse. Jason realized there was nothing he could do for Rachel, so he focused on the baby.

  The nurse was wrapping the infant tightly into a blanket and looking intently down on her. She was so focused on the baby that she didn’t notice Jason.

  “Oh, sorry, Mr. Roy, I didn’t see you. She is such a beautiful little thing. It’s just that… I think I will let Dr. Perlman talk with you.”

  “Talk with me about what?”

  “We have some things to sort out. No worries. I just want him to talk with you.”


  Perlman nearly shouted, “I think it’s eclampsia. She is hypotensive. We need to get her to ICU. Is that blood here yet?”

  Jason could stand it no longer. “What is eclampsia?” Perlman was so focused on Rachel he seemed to have forgotten that Jason was still there. The code team was now working on her so all he could do right now was watch. She was fine, her blood pressure was fine, she is healthy. I don’t understand.

  “Sorry, Mr. Roy, the honest truth is that we don’t know. We think her body is fighting against itself as a result of her pregnancy. A mother’s immune system can attack itself, but it doesn’t usually happen like this. She didn’t have any bleeding, her blood pressure just dropped. It could be something internal. Right now we are just trying to stabilize her so we can figure it out. These other doctors specialize in taking care of critically ill people, so she’s in great hands.

  “What about our baby? The nurse said you would talk to me about that.”

  Dr. Perlman gave Jason a confused look, as if he was unsure exactly what the nurse could possibly be referring to. Jason could see the labor and delivery nurse talking with one of the pediatricians who was examining his baby girl.

  The staff began to wheel Rachel out of the room to transfer her to the intensive care unit. Jason, confused, didn’t know if he should follow his wife or stay with this baby.

  Dr. Perlman turned to Jason. “Mr. Roy, wait here. I’m going to speak with the nurse in a minute. Nancy here will give you directions to the intensive care waiting room for your wife.”

  Dr. Perlman walked over to speak with the nurse while the pediatrician examined Jason’s baby. He was very gentle, picking her up with two hands, one under her body and one supporting her head. He carefully held her up so he could look at her face, then rolled her over to examine her spine and neck. He then brought the baby over for Dr. Perlman to examine. Jason watched as these three people looked at his girl, lying comfortably in the pediatrician’s arms, content to be held and examined.

  Jason could overhear the pediatrician as he spoke to Dr. Perlman. “Wasn’t she tested? How could they not know about this?”

  Dr. Perlman answered, “Yes, of course she had the triple screen and the ultrasound was fine. We didn’t do anything else and the family didn’t want a lot of testing.”

  “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound accusatory. It’s just that with testing these days, most of my families either know about it, or more commonly, are choosing to abort their less than perfect child.” The pediatrician lowered his head.

  Jason felt the world slow down around him. The nightmare had to end any minute now. There was no way that this could actually be happening. Jason had always watched movies or read books that had happy endings. Rachel always said he had “Disney syndrome.” There was no Disney movie he had ever seen like this. Jason’s new reality made him feel like he was lying in the bottom of a swimming pool watching the scene in labor and delivery on the surface of the water around him.

  “Mr. Roy, Mr. Roy.” Dr. Perlman was trying to get his attention.

  Jason came out of his daze and drifted over to Dr. Perlman and the others. The pediatrician was still holding his girl while he introduced himself.

  “Hello, Mr. Roy, I’m Dr. Stiles. I’m one of the pediatricians here. They had a few concerns about your girl, so they asked me to have a look at her. Right now, she looks fine. Her breathing and heart rate are good. She is beautiful, but if you look at her eyes, see how they fold a little in the corner giving them more of an almond shape? Her ears and her nose are very cute, but they are just a little on the small side. All of these things together make it appear that your daughter has a condition we refer to as Down syndrome. We aren’t completely sure yet, so we still need to do some genetic testing. As a precaution, we would like to watch her overnight in the neonatal intensive care unit.”

  “What is a neonatal intensive care unit?” Jason knew what the answer was, but he wanted Dr. Stiles to explain it.

  “Well the neonatal intensive care unit, or NICU as we call it, is where we have more nurses and monitors to keep a closer eye on newborn babies who are either sick or we just want to watch more closely.”

  Jason was so angry he could feel his soul bubbling to the surface, and he was very close to taking his anger out on this poor pediatrician. “So, what’s wrong with her that she needs to be in the NICU?”

  “We are a little worried about her lungs and her heart. She seems to be okay, but we don’t want to risk it.”

  “Risk what? What exactly do you mean? I feel like you aren’t telling me everything.”

  “Mr. Roy, I can see that you’re upset. We just want to take care of your girl.”

  Jason could feel the air leave his body and he suddenly felt very heavy. As he looked up at the doctor, he realized he had no right to be upset with them. They were just trying to help his family. “I’m sorry. I just need to sit down.”

  The walls were not happy or inviting. Red hard chairs with fake wood armrests, off-shade orange carpet, and shiny, plastic plants. Who on earth would design an intensive care waiting room that made him want to puke and cry at the same time? The room was filled with families who seemed to be enjoying it as much as Jason.

  Jason’s baby girl seemed to be doing well, so he chose to be in the adult ICU waiting room so he could be as close to Rachel as possible.

  A large woman walked through the waiting room door. Her purple scrubs were just a little too tight. Her eyes were huge, dark, and made for working in this place with so much fear and sorrow. She called out for Jason to come back to see Rachel and talk with the doctors. He got up lethargically as she led him through the door and past the nurses station. The walls were clean, and the room bright, but Jason could not see much of anything because the smell closed off his senses. The ICU smell—a mixture of the bathroom, strong medicine, and ammonia—wasn’t so strong as to be offensive, but it reminded Jason they weren’t at home. Jason’s fatigue had allowed the realization of where he was to slip a little.

  Rachel was very close to the nurses’ station. There were two physicians wearing long white coats over green scrubs standing outside her room. They were clearly waiting for Jason, except Jason was not sure he had the energy to have this discussion. The tallest of the two spoke first.

  “Mr. Roy, I’m Dr. Weiss, the attending intensive care physician in charge of your wife’s care. This is Dr. Jonson from infectious disease.”

  “Infectious disease?”

  “Yes, Mr. Roy, your wife has a very unusual infection. It’s an organism called toxoplasmosis, which is usually just a mild flu in healthy adults. It’s often associated with cats, which is why we try to encourage women who are pregnant not to handle the litter box during their pregnancies. For some reason, Mrs. Roy’s immune system is not working very well, so what should have been the flu has shut down her entire body and attacked her brain.”

  Jason felt the blood draining from his head. His vision blurred and his stomach turned. Before he lost his balance, the nurse in the purple scrubs helped him to a chair.

  “Toxoplasmosis? Her brain? Can you treat it?” Jason asked.

  “Yes, she is on antibiotics, it’s just that…”

  “What?”

  “When this type of infection gets into the lining of the brain damage happens very quickly. Her brain is so swollen, we don’t know if she will ever wake up.”

  8

  SEATTLE—2004

  Guys aren’t supposed to cry. Lily is so beautiful. Rachel always loved lilies. She isn’t here to help with the name, so I get to choose. They keep feeding me full of information about Down syndrome; much of what I have read talks about how these children often look alike. All I see when I look in her eyes is Rachel.

  The NICU was quiet. Jason had just finished feeding Lily, and she had fallen asleep in his lap. It had been almost a week since she had come into this world, and the doctors were finally considering when to send her home. Her heart and lungs were fine, but some of her blood
tests had remained off and they had been worried that she had contracted the infection. Despite the other issues they were facing, Lily’s immune system was exemplary. There seemed to be no evidence of the infection at all in her.

  The rocking chair was so comfortable. Jason hadn’t slept in days and it didn’t take long for the chair and the warm baby to pull him under the blanket of sleep. All of the nurses in the NICU knew Jason by now and had taken great care of him. He had spent the entire week in the hospital, only taking breaks to eat and go to the bathroom. The first few days he would visit the surgical ICU, but had spent less time there as the week went on. Jason was accepting the hand fate had given him and knew Lily needed him.

  “Mr. Roy, Lily’s labs look much better. Her doctor says she may be able to go home tomorrow.”

  Roy woke up enough to hear the nurses. “When will I know for sure?”

  “They will be coming by soon.”

  Jason looked down at his little girl. She would be going home with him soon. Rachel would not be going home. The antibiotics had done their job, but the swelling in her brain was irreversible. It only took another week before she was gone. She would never see this beautiful girl. Somehow, studying bone healing in the lab as part of his post doctorate training didn’t seem so important now.

  9

  SEATTLE—2330

  “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

  —Winston Churchill

  “Having faith is believing in what you can’t see, touch, or feel. Being human is being able to see, touch, and feel, yet you can’t be human without faith.”

  —Trispero

  “Papa, I don’t understand what this has to do with the Trispero. Now Jason has lost so much.” “I wish the story was easier, but it’s a path. We have to travel it all to see the end. When we go on our favorite hike, to see the summit we have to traverse more difficult terrain and it is through this journey that we are able to see the beauty. Having some sense of accomplishment makes it that much more worthwhile. I’m sure that as we travel down this journey with Jason, the tragedy will be a meaningful expense in the end.”