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  Rachel’s mind came into focus as she drove up in into her parents’ driveway. Thirty years in the same house, same color, same yard. Mom made Dad paint it grey a few years ago to try to blend into the neighborhood; that lasted about a month before neither of them could stand it and painted it back to the original color. Blue, the only blue house in the neighborhood. Blue cedar shingles on a small cape cod, with white trim, the apple trees to either side of the front window outlined in a storybook framing. The yard was green and the only thing that had changed was the large fir trees in the back yard that now towered over the house. As Rachel drove up, she could see her mom standing in front of the window waiting for her. Louisa had been up since Liam had been in the hospital and although Rachel was supposed to be relieving her, she doubted there had been much sleep.

  “Rachel, how’s he doing?”

  “I’m sorry, Mom, he’s still having trouble breathing. I made him talk for too long so now he’s tired. The doctors want to watch him a little more closely so we will have to check which room he will be in before we leave.”

  Rachel observed Louisa. Those eyes she saw in the rear view mirror were now looking back at her again: same tears with just a few more wrinkles on the edges. “When can we go see him?” Louisa asked.

  “Why don’t we go back a little later, maybe after dinner.”

  Louisa nodded. “How are you feeling? I’m so glad you went through with seeing my friend, Randal. I was so worried about you after Dad got sick. All of those news stories made it even scarier. I’m probably being a paranoid mother, but you’re stuck with me. You were so closely exposed to Dad when he first got sick. Everyone has been so worried about this flu thing. I thought Randal could help.”

  Rachel paused carefully before meeting Louisa’s gaze to speak. “I didn’t actually see him, Mom. He’s in charge of the whole thing. They told me he was at his office in Michigan. You were right though; Dr. Lemay is definitely a big wig in the company. This vaccine project you got me into is a closed trial. I guess Gibson Labs has some big stuff going on. How did you meet him anyway?”

  “You mean Randal?”

  “If that’s Dr. Lemay, then yes.”

  Rachel noticed Louisa checking out her living room. On the wall where her eyes rested hung a picture of Rachel sitting in a field of tulips when she was just a toddler. Except that it wasn’t actually a picture, it was a quilt done as a collage of cloth. As you got closer you could see that the colors were carefully chosen fabrics with different patterns. As you stepped back, the little girl sat with her legs crossed holding a bright red tulip, her cherub face all a wonder looking down at the flower. Rachel always wondered at the ability of her grandmother to capture moments like these. Especially in this way.

  Rachel watched Louisa go into a trance as she looked at the tulip quilt on the wall. “Mom, you still with us?”

  “Sorry, sweetheart, I got a little lost in thought. I met him when I was doing a lot of patent law. Anyway, my law firm helped him when he decided to break away from the University of Michigan. There were several patents that were being contested when they formed Gibson Labs.”

  “Wait, Gibson Labs. I thought Gibson Labs was named after Conrad Gibson.”

  “Well, it was. Randal was the brains, but Conrad was the one with the marketing and business model. He saw the potential in Randal’s ideas and built a company around it. I knew anything Randal was involved with had to be brilliant.”

  “I hope you’re right, Mom. I guess getting a shot in the arm is better than the alternative. Let’s stop talking about this and go get some food. Where do you want to go?”

  “You pick,” Louisa said.

  “I’m not particularly hungry. Why don’t we just stop at my favorite coffee place and we can get a sandwich with our coffee before heading to the hospital.” Rachel and Louisa moved toward the car far too slowly and deliberately for a simple trip to the coffee shop.

  Louisa’s house was in north Seattle in a small neighborhood that backed a small river. The trees were so thick in the back yard that you almost never saw the sun but it allowed hours of playing in their little mini forest. Even though it was in the heart of Seattle it felt like they were far away from the bustle of the city. Now it seemed too close and Rachel felt herself wishing that the trip was a little bit longer. In just a few blocks they were driving down Sand Point Way along Lake Washington. It was always beautiful, with the Cascades barely visible in the distance and the disappearing mountain, Mount Rainier, hiding behind the clouds somewhere. They made a brief stop at Rachel’s favorite coffee shop for a sandwich and coffee before continuing to the hospital.

  It didn’t take long to get to the hospital so they both sat in the car looking at the dashboard trying to gather courage to go in. Rachel’s mind wandered to memories of her dad. Just a few months ago she had come over to find dad standing in a hole in his yard. He had spent most of the weekend, by himself, using a pick ax to dig up an out of control bush next to the driveway. His hands and face were covered with dirt, but when Rachel came up all she could see was his smile. He seemed indestructible at the time, now he was in the hospital. Rachel found herself asking, how can a virus throw him for such a loop?

  Mom looked over at Rachel. “I know, sweetheart. Come on, let’s go see your dad.”

  They got out of the car and walked up the steep hill from the parking deck to the ground floor of the hospital. The big glass doors opened with a swoosh and they were swept into the lobby filled with families and employees talking. Rachel was struck with a thought: Dad always used to say how you never knew what was going on in someone else’s life. Driving home, before getting mad about someone cutting you off, they could be rushing home to a sick family member. Standing in the lobby she wondered what was going on in the lives of all these people waiting for loved ones in the hospital. The hospital lobby was actually on the fourth floor so Rachel and Louisa decided to walk up the few flights of stairs to blow off a little steam. Rachel was a ball of nervous energy so she didn’t notice Louisa falling behind until she got to the sixth floor.

  “Mom, you okay?”

  “Yeah, sweetie, just a little winded. I think all of this stress is slowing me down.” She turned her head to cough before catching up to Rachel.

  They walked up the stairway and came up right next to the nurses’ station. A nurse noticed them and quickly stopped them.

  “Ma’am, can I help you?” The nurse directed her question at Louisa.

  “My husband, Liam Connery, was just transferred down here.”

  “We just tried calling you. My name is Wendy. I’m actually his nurse.”

  “Sorry, my phone doesn’t get great reception in the hospital. Can we see him?”

  Rachel fidgeted and put her arm around Louisa’s shoulder.

  “I’m not sure ma’am. The reason I was calling is that, well, he is having more difficulty breathing. Your doctor is putting a breathing tube in.”

  “Is he going to be all right?” Rachel asked.

  “I can’t answer that. I’m sure the doctor will want to talk with you.

  “I want to see him now!” Louisa yelled at Wendy, her hands beginning to shake.

  “I know you’re worried. Please, let me go see if the doctor can speak with you.”

  Rachel followed Wendy quietly into Liam’s room, trying not to draw attention to herself. The head rail was pulled off the hospital bed and a man she assumed was doctor dressed in blue scrubs stood at the top of the bed. He looked to be in his fifties, with a greying beard, and a serious look on his face that made Rachel even more nervous. There was a nurse on the far wall standing next to a big cart that looked like a garage tool chest on wheels. Rachel thought she heard the other nurse call him doctor Horner. Wendy was standing at the corner of the bed waiting for the opportunity to speak. Doctor Horner held a clear plastic face mask over Liam’s face with his hands pulling hard against his chin. The other nurse was squeezing a rubber bag connected to the face mask. The doctor noti
ced Wendy and with some relief showing on his face said, “Great, we need some help. Can you grab some Propofol from the crash cart? I can’t ventilate him.”

  “Yes, sir.” She turned to the cabinet and pulled out a vile of white milky-looking medicine and drew it up into a syringe. Before turning back toward the head of the bed, she noticed Rachel standing at the edge of the room.

  “Ma’am, you should go to the waiting area at the end of the hall. I promise I will come find you as soon as the doctor is ready.” She turned back to the doctor and gave him the medicine.

  Rachel’s first instinct was to follow the nurse’s direction, that is, until she looked at her mother. Louisa was looking around the room with tears rolling down her cheeks. “Mom, go wait over there, I will watch out for Dad.”

  Louisa walked to the end of the hall and Rachel moved to the side so she could be close to Liam but out of view of the nurse. She noticed that the other nurse was holding what looked like a silver flashlight. The doctor then injected the white milky medicine into the intravenous tubing.

  After a very brief few moments, Dr. Horner turned his attention to Wendy. “Okay, I need the laryngoscope.” She handed him the flashlight-looking thing and he unfolded it so that the long silver blade came out at a right angle and was illuminated by the flashlight. He put the blade into Liam’s mouth and lifted it up toward the ceiling while he bent over to look at where the flashlight was lighting up his throat.

  “Give me some cricoid pressure,” he urgently directed Wendy.

  Wendy obediently pushed slightly on Liam’s Adam’s apple. The doctor took the tube from her hand and placed it in Liam’s throat.

  The doctor seemed pleased that the tube was in the right place and turned his attention to the other nurse who had now connected the bag to the tube the he had just placed.

  “Looks good. We are getting end tidal CO2.” He then bent over with his stethoscope to listen to Liam’s lungs.

  Rachel could feel a nudge at her shoulder and looked back to see Louisa had squeezed in next to her and was watching in shock. The doctor and nurses had not yet noticed them standing there.

  “Get me a blood gas!” yelled Dr. Horner. He still had his head down to Liam’s chest. “And a chest X-ray.”

  The other nurse who was vigorously trying to squeeze the bag spoke up, “I’m having a hard time ventilating him!”

  “I know. Look at his pulse oximetry. He is only seventy percent saturated. He is not going to make it! Call pulmonary as well, please!”

  At this point the doctor looked toward the hallway and noticed Rachel and Louisa standing there arm in arm. He didn’t say anything, didn’t motion for them to leave; he just looked down at the ground very briefly in a moment of solemn communication. Rachel could feel her mom squeezing hard on her arm shivering like she were standing wet on a cold winters’ eve.

  3

  SEATTLE—2002

  Rachel found it hard to believe it had been a month since Dad was in the hospital. Today was the first sunny day since then. Mom thought today would be perfect, so the two of them got up early to catch a ferry to Whidbey Island. Debbie, Rachel’s only sibling, had been distraught that she had not been at the hospital and had taken the day off today to join them.

  The trip from the ferry had only taken a few minutes and now they were standing facing the beach looking out over Useless Bay on the southwest side of Whidbey. The beach—called Double Bluff after a large bluff that rose from the water just north of them—was Dad’s favorite dog park. They had brought every lab they’d owned here almost monthly for as long as Rachel could remember.

  It had also been Dad’s retirement plan. He and Louisa were going to make an offer on a house in a development just south of the beach. Dad had wanted a house here so he could walk the beach every day if he wanted with or without a dog in tow.

  Rachel, Debbie, and Louisa took off their shoes and walked out to the edge of the water. Louisa looked down at her feet and rolled up her pants leg. Rachel and Debbie followed suite. They waded out knee deep into the surf. The water was cold, but none of them seemed to notice.

  Louisa opened a small ceramic jar she’d been carrying and threw the contents into the surf. She looked over at her daughters. “He always loved this place. Now he can rest here. At least until I join him.”

  “That’s going to be long time, Mom,” Rachel answered. Except she wasn’t that confident as she watched Louisa turn and cough into her sleeve.

  Rachel had never been so afraid of a cough. At least the vaccination seemed to have helped Rachel. She had no symptoms. The ceramic jar reminded her that Dad was supposed to be around to tell her kids bad jokes. Now, because of what had started as a cough, he would never meet any of them.

  Life was precious, she knew that, but losing your dad made the fragility of life seem so much more real. Rachel began to laugh at herself. How can I think about kids when I haven’t had a boyfriend or more than the one date in years. Dad had never met Jason. Maybe he was the one, and maybe she would win the lottery.

  4

  SEATTLE—2002

  The feel of the hospital made Rachel’s skin crawl. She couldn’t believe she was back so soon. It had only been a few months since her Liam had passed and Rachel was furious with her mom.

  “Mom, you know I love you, but right now, you’re making me crazy. Now I understand what Dad meant when he’d say that sometimes the things you love most about your loved ones are also the things that drive you crazy.”

  Sunlight streamed through the window as a nurse clattered by the open doorway with a tray of uneaten scrambled eggs and soggy oatmeal.

  “Come on, Rachel. You shouldn’t have to take a semester off college to take care of me.”

  “Mom, you can’t go home by yourself. It’s only been a few months since Dad passed away and you’ve been in the hospital for a week. I don’t want you to be alone; Besides, I don’t want to be alone.”

  “I can go to a nursing home, and besides, you’re not alone. You’ve got Jason. He seems like a very nice man.”

  “Arrrrggghh! Mom, you are impossible. I have already taken the semester off and the visiting nurse is set up, so no more complaining. Jason and I will get to spend plenty of time together and yes, he’s a nice man. Let’s not argue tonight, okay? We have lots of people coming over to say hi. It’s your birthday after all.” Rachel smoothed Louisa’s greying hair back from her forehead and tried not to notice how wan her face was, peering up at her from the pillow.

  “All right, no fighting, but I really don’t want to celebrate my birthday. I’m on the downside, so it’s not as much fun.”

  “Debbie wanted to celebrate your birthday, so she’s coming and bringing her roommate, Judy, with her.”

  “Is Jason coming? And this Judy…is she Debbie’s friend or Debbie’s girlfriend?”

  “No, Mom, Judy is Debbie’s roommate. However, Jason has a friend Nate that he wants to introduce to Debbie. Debbie is tough; I think she scares a lot of guys away. Sometimes it’s hard to believe she’s my sister.”

  “I forgot to tell you. Randal and Missy are coming as well.”

  “I’m sorry, Mom, who are they again?”

  “He’s the head scientist at Gibson Labs. Remember? He’s the one that got you into that study before Dad passed. He and his wife, Missy, are in town for a conference and wanted to come by and say hi.”

  “Alucia, I know this part is slow but it’s important that you pay attention because these are the people that will form the heart of our story. I wanted you to meet them before they knew what a big part they would play. This would not be a story without them.”

  Rachel looked at her watch, lost in thought about her sister. Louisa shifted positions in the hospital bed and sighed.

  Rachel knew that Debbie had never forgiven herself for missing Dad’s passing. Everyone knew it wasn’t her fault, but it was still hard for her. Rachel knew she needed to be there for Debbie and didn’t want to have anything to do with Randal
and Missy. “Mom, I have to go meet Debbie. I will be back with everyone tonight, Okay?”

  “Okay, sweetheart, see you in a bit.”

  Rachel had known Louisa was going to end up in the hospital. It was the same cough Liam had in the beginning of his illness. She forced Louisa to go in to see the doctor right away. The room was nice and the guest couch was comfy, but she would happily spend the rest of her life avoiding hospitals. She made her way to the lobby and confirmed with Debbie that they would meet at their favorite coffee shop right outside of Pikes Place Market and then walk back up together.

  The hospital was at the top of a hill so the walk down Pike Street to the market was easy. Debbie wanted to get everyone together and then walk up to the hospital. Rachel wandered down Pike Street through the throngs of people shopping and going to work. As she exited from underneath the convention center, the sky opened up and sun poured down in a way that people in Seattle cherish.

  A few blocks later, she could see Debbie standing in front of the coffee shop next to the small black fence that surrounded the outdoor seating area. Debbie looked great wearing a short black dress and boots. Her dark red hair glistened in the rare Seattle sun. It was hard to believe she was her sister, and not some model from New York. Rachel always felt a little plain next to her beautiful sister.

  “Hey Rach, how you doing?”

  “Fine. Better now that Mom is okay. She’s still pissed at me for canceling my classes to stay at home with her. How about you?”

  “Okay. The trip down from Pullman can be long, but Judy is funny so it went fast. She is inside with Jason saving a table. By the way, who is this Nate?”

  Rachel looked down at her feet having trouble making eye contact with her sister, knowing that the reason for Nate was going to be difficult to discuss. Debbie was beautiful, motivated, even aggressive when it came to things she wanted. Men tended to be intimidated by her and she, for the most part didn’t have time for them. Jason really liked Debbie and thought Nate would be good for her. Telling this to Debbie without her trying to kill them both was another matter altogether.